Effective cover letters

Unfortunately, these cover letters are only effective in getting your résumé tossed in the trashcan. Killian Advertising posts some excerpts of the worst cover letters they receive in a section called Cover Letters From Hell.

I find this statement depressing because the bar has been lowered so far:

An error-free letter is now so rare that the minimal care required to send a letter with zero defects, combined with a few crisply written simple declarative sentences, will, alone, guarantee a respectful reading of a résumé.

On the other hand, it means that if you're looking for a job, it may be easier to get noticed (in a positive manner) than you think. Some of my favorite offensives:

"I am seeking a new position as i have recently been laid." (Congratulations!)

"I am getting to my goal, slowly but surly." (I know that feeling all too well)

"I have been on Sabitcal for a while." (Is that anything like being a Wiccan?)

And don't forget to check out the variation on "'Twas the Night Before Christmas."