2007 Resolutions

From the desk of Donald Trump:

1. Change the name of the Miss USA pageant to Miss Girl Gone Wild (have legal lean on Joe Francis for a piece of the action, so to speak).

2. Make sure Timothy O'Brien never prints another book. Look up the word ‘malicious.’

3. Take Rosie O’Donnell to court and “reach into her fat-ass pockets and take some of her money.” Get Barbara to lean on the bitch—she owes me big time. Also, have someone look into what the O’ people have against me.

4. Sue AOL and everyone that voted in their “Most Annoying Money Personality” poll.

5. Hire extra lawyers for the legal department.

6. Give my hairdresser a raise—no one notices what she's doing with my hair.

7. Line up some towers to be built in Topeka, Des Moines, and Oklahoma City so those rubes can respect the Donald.

8. Place towers in Topeka, Des Moines, and Oklahoma City in bankruptcy so we don’t pay for their construction.

9. Start looking for wife #4. Mealania has added a few pounds since that kid was born.

10. Find out who this Chrees person is and have him fired.